The Truth About Beans



 There, I’ve said it.

 Farting.  That’s the question on everyone’s mind whenever I mention the meal plan.  (By the way, do you like how I’ve decided to call it “the meal plan?” It sounds so much more inviting than that other four-letter word.) 

 Well, okay, so you think beans, and automatically you think,

“Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart,

The more you eat, the more you….”

 I’m here to tell you that’s not true.  No, really.  For some reason, eating beans at every meal has completely changed my body’s chemistry and eliminated gaseous expulsions.  Now, when I had beans occasionally, they were sure to bring an aromatic contribution to the next day that would wilt flowers at ten feet.  However, eating beans all the time means that my digestive tract has adjusted itself so that it just doesn’t make excess gas. 

 Another truth about beans: they’re hard to eat at every meal.  Beans for breakfast: that’s the kicker.  I just don’t think, Hmmm, what kind of BEANS can I have for breakfast today?  Eggs?  Sure.  Steak?  Okay.  Bacon?  Sausage?  Pork chops?  Yeah, for variety.  But beans?  Gosh, that’s hard.  And for some reason, I think, Well, I guess I can have huevos rancheros with salsa and beans.  But I don’t really want that.  So I sit there and pick at my beans.  I try to choke them down.  I try to trick myself.  And I have leftover beans.

 I know that beans are an essential part of the meal plan, but they are still so foreign to me as a food staple that I just don’t think about beans.  And when they’re sitting there, staring me down, I blink first. 

 On the other hand, I realized that I like black beans.  At least, I like the black beans put out by the Ranch Style company.  I don’t know why, but they seem to taste better.  They even have refried black beans.  For someone who isn’t too keen on the idea of regular refried beans – I don’t know if it’s the flavor or the consistency – the black beans are a much better option. 

 Lentils are also tricky.  I decided to pre-soak them a couple of days in advance, but I have to tread a thin line with this between cooking and science experiment.  One day, I looked at the soaking lentils and realized that they were starting to sprout.  Intellectually, I know that sprouted lentils have complete proteins, but in my mind, I think, “They’re ALIVE!”  and then I have that mad-scientist moment. 

 Black eyed peas.  No, not the band.  Actual black eyed peas.  Is there really an appetizing way to cook them?  ‘Cause any food that can stare back at me with one beady black eye is probably safe from being eaten.  Hmmm… maybe someone makes really tiny edible blindfolds.

 White beans.  I haven’t actually had much experience with these.  I tried the cannellini beans, and they were pleasant, but probably mostly because of the novelty factor.  Though, to be honest, I liked the texture, too.

 I have not braved the bean of lima.  I’m sure it’s packed with nutrition, but I just haven’t wanted to fight that battle yet.  Maybe next month.  We’ll see.

 So, although the meal plan is working pretty well over all, the beans are still one of the most difficult adjustments.


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