Okay, so I fell for one of the classic blunders: I went through a box filled with old photos today.
Looking at the photos, I realized that all my adult life, I’ve always been me-shaped. I’m okay with that. I am shaped like me. It’s actually kind of refreshing to know that. I have always had and will always have a bulge here and some sag there. That’s my shape. However, (and you knew there was a ‘however’ coming!) I have some photos that I’m proud of looking like and some that I really wish were photoshopped to be less… rounded.
For instance, the photos of me right out of high school are definitely me-shaped. Bulge? Check. Sag? Sure. But even so, they are vivacious and healthy. The photos of me at my second baby shower? Yeah, not so much. I look… “Fat,” to quote my daughter, the one who was the beneficiary of the shower. She quickly amended, “I know you weren’t *fat;” you had me inside you.” I told her, “No, you were right the first time. I was pregnant, and I was fat.” You’d be too kind to blame all of that on baby weight.
I’ve got some photos of me from when the same daughter was about 2 or so. I had really made an effort and lost a lot of weight. In those photos, I’ve got that spark, that liveliness, that joi de vivre. One of those is my favorite Facebook profile pic.
But some days that feels like a lie. I’d like to get back to the stage where I want to post a more-than-headshot picture of myself. I’d like to feel that spark again. I want to feel like I’m not waddling when I walk! (Today, I definitely caught myself waddling. That was scary! I stride with purpose! I DO NOT WADDLE!) *ahem*
So, after a summer of excess and free of restraint, I am (again) (again) starting up my meal plan. I’m using the 4HB approach again (again)*. I started today, and I’ve been spot-on. Tomorrow will be harder. The next day even more so. By the end of the week, I’ll be pushing to have my cheat day. I just need to keep in mind the honesty of the camera’s eye**.
PS – This wasn’t entirely by chance or happenstance. My good friend just paid nearly $600 to get on a plan to lose weight, and she’s lost 8.5 pounds already. That’s motivating. If I can do the same thing *without* paying $600 and *without* invasive surgery, then I am ahead of the game. How much is self-discipline worth?
*I understand the 4HB model. Everything about it falls into place with the latest nutrition research, the food is cheap, the meals are satisfying, I don’t have to cook separately for everyone else, there are no funky supplements, I feel more energized on it, and I am setting a healthy example for my daughters for responsible eating.
**The camera can be fooled, either to make you look hideously horrid or fabulously gorgeous, I know. It’s just that I don’t have a good photographer on retainer; I’ve got my husband, whose idea of “getting a shot” is to try not to blur the camera. If I can’t look good from more than an artfully posed position, I’m doomed to be remembered in film as a red-haired hippopotamus, and a blurry one at that.