The Evil of Old Photos

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Okay, so I fell for one of the classic blunders: I went through a box filled with old photos today.

Looking at the photos, I realized that all my adult life, I’ve always been me-shaped.  I’m okay with that.  I am shaped like me.  It’s actually kind of refreshing to know that.  I have always had and will always have a bulge here and some sag there.  That’s my shape.  However, (and you knew there was a ‘however’ coming!) I have some photos that I’m proud of looking like and some that I really wish were photoshopped to be less… rounded.

For instance, the photos of me right out of high school are definitely me-shaped.  Bulge?  Check.  Sag?  Sure.  But even so, they are vivacious and healthy.  The photos of me at my second baby shower?  Yeah, not so much.  I look… “Fat,” to quote my daughter, the one who was the beneficiary of the shower.  She quickly amended, “I know you weren’t *fat;” you had me inside you.”  I told her, “No, you were right the first time.  I was pregnant, and I was fat.”  You’d be too kind to blame all of that on baby weight.

I’ve got some photos of me from when the same daughter was about 2 or so.  I had really made an effort and lost a lot of weight.  In those photos, I’ve got that spark, that liveliness, that joi de vivre.  One of those is my favorite Facebook profile pic.

But some days that feels like a lie.  I’d like to get back to the stage where I want to post a more-than-headshot picture of myself.  I’d like to feel that spark again.  I want to feel like I’m not waddling when I walk!  (Today, I definitely caught myself waddling.  That was scary!  I stride with purpose!  I DO NOT WADDLE!)  *ahem*

So, after a summer of excess and free of restraint, I am (again) (again) starting up my meal plan.  I’m using the 4HB approach again (again)*.  I started today, and I’ve been spot-on.  Tomorrow will be harder.  The next day even more so.  By the end of the week, I’ll be pushing to have my cheat day.  I just need to keep in mind the honesty of the camera’s eye**.

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PS – This wasn’t entirely by chance or happenstance.  My good friend just paid nearly $600 to get on a plan to lose weight, and she’s lost 8.5 pounds already.  That’s motivating.  If I can do the same thing *without* paying $600 and *without* invasive surgery, then I am ahead of the game.  How much is self-discipline worth?

___________________

*I understand the 4HB model.  Everything about it falls into place with the latest nutrition research, the food is cheap, the meals are satisfying, I don’t have to cook separately for everyone else, there are no funky supplements, I feel more energized on it, and I am setting a healthy example for my daughters for responsible eating.

**The camera can be fooled, either to make you look hideously horrid or fabulously gorgeous, I know.  It’s just that I don’t have a good photographer on retainer; I’ve got my husband, whose idea of “getting a shot” is to try not to blur the camera.  If I can’t look good from more than an artfully posed position, I’m doomed to be remembered in film as a red-haired hippopotamus, and a blurry one at that.

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2 responses »

  1. I actually checked yesterday to make sure this blog was still there. Whee!

    So, welcome to the “I just looked at old photos & I am occasionally hideous!” party. I had that same day yesterday, actually, which is just plain weird.

    Last week, though, was Week One of “Alcohol & Food are NOT My Hobby,” which was quickly followed by Week 2 of similar title. It was all about making good beverage choices and let’s face it, I needed two weeks to get that through to habit. Week Three is going to be about watching my food choices (snacks, really, as my meals are generally really healthy thanks to Nick). Week Four is going to be adding a daily walk to all of that. Week Five will add my fifteen minute exercise program in the morning right after kids go to school. Week Six will add a T/T trip to the gym up the street while all the kids are out of pocket.

    • Yes, it’s still here. I just haven’t felt like writing because there was so little I felt like saying. I think I need to use it to keep me accountable and positive.

      I’m frankly amazed that you can plan out six weeks in advance. I am doing well just to get through one day!

      I like food not being a hobby, but I’m intrigued by the idea of alcohol as a hobby. I wish I could change my whole outlook on food, but I really *think* about food a lot. I have to have a plan set in place for the whole day, or I obsess about food. Part of it is the parent in me: I must have the meals figured out in advance for the kids – even if I’m figuring that we’re going to eat out. I also need to tell my body when to expect food so that it doesn’t send me into the psychotic shakes. Those are pretty hideous. I get all crazy and my hands start shaking, and I am irrational until 15 minutes after having eaten. If I know when I’ll eat, I can stave off the shakes. Otherwise, it’s like clockwork.

      Bonus on the trip to the gym! I have a video I am going to unwrap (I bought it in March), and then I will lock everyone out of the room in the morning and just do it. I’ve decided early morning is going to have to be *my* time, because I am too wrapped up in the kids at other times.

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