Okay, so things are going pretty good. But, man, I just feel tired. I feel bummed. I just want to curl up and go to sleep and maybe not wake up until next week.
Except that’s not remotely feasible.
The negative talk inside my head is pretty loud today, as it often is on days when things just seem to stack up on the red ink side of the ledger. In my heart, I know it’s not all bad, but I just feel too drained by dealing with it to want to sort through it all right now.
I just feel overwhelmed by my inadequacies and incompetence on so many things. And so, so much of it is financial.
Sometimes I just wonder how I screwed my life up this badly.
And then I… I don’t know. Either I shut down, or I depression eat, or I look on the good side, or I try to do something about it. It’s just that when you’re in the pit, it’s hard to think it’s going to be better. It’s so much easier to focus on how much of an idiot I was for missing the warning signs that I was about to fall into the pit in the first place. At least cell reception is pretty good from inside the pit. Then I can communicate with all my friends who are in pits of their own, albeit of varying depths and degree of sloggishness.
Maybe that’s where the idea of a “pit-y party” originated. ‘Cause it looks as though I’m trying to throw a big one right now.
Screw it. I’m going to go to yoga, get stuff done that needs to get done, and I’m going to slog through. Maybe the pit is just a low spot on the mountain top after all.